The Dreaded...

I started maternity leave exactly one week before I had Addie. I was originally only going to take 12 weeks off of work.. but as the days went on Joey and I decided that just wasn't going to be long enough. I continued to push back my return date until I simply couldn't put it off any longer. I wasn't sure how long I would be able to stay off work and continue having insurance. Darn you insurance!! So.. unfortunately that brought me to the dreaded day of returning to work. I could literally feel part of my heart tearing! I knew Addie would be fine without me, but I was pretty uncertain on whether I would be fine without her. For 14 weeks I was the primary caregiver. I changed her diaper, fed her and was with her 24-7. I absolutely loved it! Jesus put me on this earth to be a mommy and I was taking my job very seriously and enjoying every minute of it! So due to my impending return to work Joey had to buckle down. We had to make sure that Addie and Daddy could survive without me. Joey had yet to change a diaper and now it was time to learn. So, starting on Friday the 12Th, he changed his first diaper, bathed her and did his best to give her a bottle. He did fantastic with the diaper change! Adrianna even gave him a poopy one and he did awesome.
Next came the bath. He put on his swim trunks and jumped in with her. She was really fidgety and didn't do as well as she normally does. I think she could sense that things were about to be changing. :( Joey still did really good with her and didn't let her fussiness get him down. Then... he attempted the bottle. After Christmas we started giving her a bottle every night and she got to the point where she did AWESOME! I quit giving her the bottle at night because she had been doing so well, but Addie showed me how big of a mistake it was. She hated this bottle business. She cried and cried until she finally cried herself to sleep. Talk about heartbroken! I hate seeing Addie crying for the boob and I can't give it to her! She only slept for about 45 minutes and then started the crying again. We decided we just didn't think she was feeling well because while Joey was holding her and trying to calm her down she threw up on him (yummy). After she cried for a while longer we finally decided that she just wasn't feeling well and I should just go ahead and breastfeed her (thank goodness!). I try to stay calm and let Joey do his thing when she is getting really upset about the bottle, but I am always secretly hoping Joey just tells me I can go ahead and feed her and hold her. My heart breathes a sigh of relief when he tells me to go ahead and do my mommy thing with her. :)That night she woke up every 1.5-2 hours (yikes!) The next night, Saturday the 13Th, Addie did phenomenal! She took the bottle great and slept fairly well. Then on Sunday, the 14Th she did fair.. not great.. but not horrible. That brings us to Monday the 15Th.... I literally felt sick to my stomach I was so sad about coming back! I was excited to see everyone at work.. and I love my job. But come on.. I love my job as a mommy much much more! I felt like a cat being put into water and trying to claw my way out. It was such a helpless feeling! But I couldn't just sit and feel sorry myself. So I made sure everything was ready to go for Joey and I cuddled with my sweets as long as I could. When it was finally time to head to work I couldn't help but shed a few tears. I didn't want to, but they just flowed out when I was trying to kiss her goodbye. I might be a little over dramatic.. But I love my daughter more than I could ever put into words and it hurt so bad leaving. With that being said I feel so extremely blessed that I don't have to leave Addie in daycare- she gets to stay home with her daddy. Hopefully soon she will start sleeping better and it will make it easier on him!
Here are a couple pictures of us before my first night back to work:



P.S. Everyone at work was so super great and once I got there I didn't cry again. Also Addie did good with Daddy and didn't give him too much trouble with taking a bottle.. she didn't sleep the greatest, but she hasn't really slept great ever since being sick (that's another blog entry...)